Stammtischspruch Änderung…


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Kennt ihr noch den Spruch von unserem Christian vom Stammtisch?

„Wollen Sie es günstig, billig oder lumpig?“

Tja, wie Kunden halt so sind hat sich das jetzt ein bisschen geändert.
Der neue Spruch ist:

“ Wollen Sie es günstig, billig, lumpig oder schrottig?“

Satire: BILD Dir Deine Meinung mit GDL…


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// Satire an

Heute die Schlagzeile in der Bild online: “Nach dem Sieg vor Gericht in Frankfurt – Hier fliegt der Herr des Bahn-Streiks nach Hause”. 
Nunja, mit der Bahn fahren kann er ja nicht. *huaaahahhaaa*

Es wurde ein Vergleich ausgehandelt. Na, was denkt ihr, wie dieser aussieht. „Wenn Du (GDL Chef) nicht mehr wieder gewählt wirst, bekommst Du einen Platz bei uns im Vorstand. Aber jetzt setz unsere Interessen durch…” oder so ähnlich. 

// Satire aus

Notiz: Parkautomaten, die Zweite…


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Parkautomat7minuten// Satire an
Wie schonmal hier gepostet, geht mal wieder um Parkautomaten.

Wie um alles um der Welt kommen die Betreiber darauf, das es genau 7, Betonung: Sieben Minuten braucht, um das Parkaus zu verlassen?
Sieben Minuten um den Wagen zu beladen, Einkaufswagen zurück bringen und auf die Parkschranke zu zu rasen. Haben die das mit einer Stoppuhr geprüft? Ist der Einkäufer, welcher mehr als 7 Minuten braucht jemand der genug Zeit hat eine Bombe zu platzieren? Wird nach 7 Minuten DefCon Red ausgerufen? Nein, oh Gott, er könnte zurück kommen und noch was einkaufen, Neiiiinnnnnnn…..

Was soll dieser Mist? Wahrscheinlich schlägt hier wiedermal die Gier durch. Wie so oft…

// Satire aus

Notiz: Saublödes Denglisch…


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Man sollte beim Autofahren schon auf die Strasse schauen, denn dazu ist ja auch da und gebaut worden, nicht wahr?
Doch fällt dies in unserer heutigen Zeit immer schwerer. Nicht wegen den schönen Mädels. Auch nicht weil einige beim Autofahren das Problem haben zwei Handys gleichzeitig ans Ohr halten müssen. Nein, dies kann ein intelligenter Mensch noch nachvollziehen. Ersteres sowieso und zweiteres, da alle so wichtig sind. Ausserdem bekommen die Handy Personen eh nichts mit, wenn einer unter deren Räder kommt. Die Suffs sind ja stabil gebaut.
Nein, nein. Der geneigte und bewanderte Automobilfahrer schaut auch abseits den Strassen nach Verkehrsschilder. Diese aber in den immer dichter werdenden Dschungel aus Plakaten und Werbung zu finden gleicht einem Wimmelbild oder „finde die 10 Unterschiede“ Bild.
Ganz abzusehen von diesen saublödem Denglisch. „Wiesn Break“ oder „Wiesn After Party“ oder „Wiesn Retro Party“ oder oder oder. Früher hieß dies „weitersaufen nach Wiesn Schluss“. Was aber unter „Wiesn Retro Party“ gemeint ist entzieht sich mir. Vielleicht in Tracht? Nee, wird jetzt schon gemacht. Aja, sicher ohne Fernsprechapparat auch Handy genannt.
Wie auch immer. In Zeiten von Fratzenbook und diverse andere ähnliche Dienste ist diese Art der Werbung eigentlich überflüssig und wir antiquierten Autobeweger würden die Schilder wieder sehen.

Deshalb schliesse ich mit den großen Worten des großen Vordenkers der heutigen Zeit, Bernd das Brot:
„Es ist einfach alles nur Mist!“

Satire: Neulich am Stammtisch zum Thema E.ON und Stellenabbau…


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// Satire an

Da sitzen wir am Stammtisch und diskutieren unteranderem über E.ON. In Bezug zu diesem Artikel.
(http://www.tagesschau.de/wirtschaft/eon162.html)

Da fällt von Thorsten ein Satz der es genau trifft.

„Weil 2022 der Kernaustieg geplant ist, müssen von 2.000 Beschäftigten im diesem Bereich, heute schon mal 11.000 entlassen werden.“

Passt.

// Satire aus

Satire: Warum gibt es laute Lebensmittel im Kino…


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// Satire an

Ich mag Kino, es ist schon ein Erlebnis. Nicht das es schon beim Karten abholen schon zu  der Deutschen liebsten Sport kommt. Das Anstellen an einer langen Schlange. Hat man dieses endlich geschafft, so darf man sich dann bei der Futtergrippe begutachten, was dann einem im Saal so um die Ohren tönt. Haben früher schon das laute Gemampfe mit dem Popcorn genervt. Weil die Leute neben einem einfach nicht das Maul zu machen können und es ja so wichtig ist, das alle hören, ja hören , denn sehen kann man ja nicht, es ist dunkel. Nein, dann kamen die Chips. Natürlich nicht in leisen Verpackungen, sondern in den Verpackungen, wo es ist egal, wie man es anstellt um ein Chip heraus zu fischen, immer ein lautes Knistern und Geraschel ertönt. Mal davon ab zu sehen, das hier das gleiche mit der Maulsperre gilt wie beim Popcorn. Sind hier die Größen noch erträglich klein, so das man so ab der Mitte es Filmes kein gemampfe mehr hört, schlagen die Kinobetreiber mit noch größeren Popcorn Eimer zurück. Ja ist den hier Ballermann 6? Wann rollt der erste Kinobesucher eine mit Popcorn gefüllte Mülltone in den Saal?

Dann kamen die Natchos oder so ähnlich. Hier wird ja ein richtiger Wettbewerb daraus gemacht, wer lauter diese Speise zu sich nehmen kann. Dann jammern die Kinobesitzer das ihre Stühle so schnell dreckig werden. Ich kann ihnen schon sagen warum, Popcorn lässt sich leicht wegkehren oder saugen aber die Käsesauce, tja, die hält sich und hält sich und hält sich… Wie ausgelutschter HubaBuba im Wollteppich. Vor dieser Krankheit konnte man mit der Hand über den Kinosessel wischen und alle Spuren des vorherigen Besucher waren weg. Doch nun benötigt man eine Reinigungsausrüstung und bei manchen noch zusätzlich einen Enzymreiniger. Wenn man dann nicht wartet, bis der Abspann komplett abgelaufen ist und das Saallicht angeht, dann tapst der geneigte Kinobesucher schon mal gerne in die leere Natcho Schale mit der restlichen „Klebe an allem und gehe nicht mehr runter“ Sauce.

Wer viel Durst hat, nimmt sich ein 0,5l Becher doch bald wird dass auch nicht mehr ausreichen. Dann kommen die Pitcher mit 1, 1,5 oder 2l. Diese passen dann aber nicht mehr in die Halter an den Stühlen. Damit ist es vorprogrammiert, das wasserfallartige Limonadenbäche unter unseren Füssen den weg zur Leinwand suchen. Vielleicht noch wie in America, wo in den Restaurants dann nachgeschenkt wird, läuft ein Mitarbeiter rum und schaut, das die Pitcher immer gut gefüllt sind.

Hat man dies alles gut verdaut, so haut’s einem gleich den nächsten Schalter raus. Bin ich früher gerne pünktlich ins Kino gegangen, komme ich heute absichtlich zu spät. Damals war die Werbung noch eigens fürs Kino produziert und witzig, so ist die heute nur noch Mist.

Doch ist ein Kinobesuch es immer wieder wert, denn nirgends wird man so unterhalten. Egal wie.

// Satire aus

Video: Nockherberg Rede 2010, für alle die es verpasst haben. Unzenziert.


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Für alle die es verpasst haben, die Nockherberg Rede 2010 in fünf Akten mit Michael Lerchenberg als Bruder Barnabas. Mit den Stellen, welche vom BR3 zensiert wurden.

Satire: Sittenwidrige Löhne sollen verboten werden…


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// Satire an

Heute einigten sich Union und FDP darauf, das sittenwidrige Löhne zukünftig verboten werden. Als ein sittenwidriger Lohn wird angesehen, welcher um ein Drittel unter dem Durchschnitt des branchenüblichen Lohnes liegt.

Wer jetzt denkt, dass dies flächendeckend gilt, der irrt. Nur in bestimmten Branchen soll dies zu Anwendung kommen und ich weis schon in welchen: Staastsangestellte, Fluglotsen, Bankenmanager, Bundestagsabgeordnete, usw.

//Satire aus

Satire: Werbung, Werbung über alles…


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//Satire an

Werbung, Werbung über alles… So könnte man schon meinen, wenn man mit offenen Auge durch unsere Landschaft geht. Nein, lieber doch nicht. Sonst sticht man sich solches noch aus. Falls sich derjenige nicht schnell genug duckt, schon hat er ein tiefliegendes Fähnchen im Auge. Zumindest weis er jetzt, das es hier Döner gibt, falls er es rechtzeitig gesehen hat.

Zur Zeit ist es Mode, den einzigen Parkplatz mit einer alten Rostlaube oder klapprigen Anhänger zu zu parken, voll mit Werbung. ASU und TÜV gerade noch so geschafft, vorausgesetzt der Prüfer legt die Binde mit drei Punkten an. Und da meinen die Werber jetzt, das ich mir diese „Message“ merke, welche darauf prangt? Natürlich, nämlich als neuen Anreiz zum Kaufboykott. Ggf. sollte ich einen Baseballschläger nehmen und dresche solange auf diese Parkplatz fressende Werbung ein, bis die Passanten applaudieren. Ich glaube dies machen sie schon nach dem ersten Schlag. Warten Sie mal ab, bis ein vom Balg genervter Familienvater oder -mutter nach 2 Stunden Parkplatzsuche mal so ausrastet. Da bleibt keine Mutter mehr auf der Schraube und keine Kette auf der Nockenwelle.

Und dann sind dann noch die (t)ollen Schilder, welche an Kreuzungen auf irgendwelche Pommes Buden, zu verkaufende Immobilien oder anderes hinweisen. Sie stehen genau so, das jeder im Auto sie sehen kann, aber derjenige welcher, wer in die Kreuzung einbiegen will, verstellen sie komplett die Einsicht. Kein Wunder, das dann oft kracht. Von den Statistikern wird dies bestimmt Sonnenphänomen, Erdlinien, unterirdische Wasseradern oder anders abgebucht. Mich wundert es, dass niemand von den Unfallpersonen dieses Schild bis dato schon umgetreten hat oder ist der „Schilderdienst“ immer schneller? Interessant auch die Wildbeschilderung an den Autobahnausfahrten. Auffälligerweise sind die immer von dem Straßendienst schnell wieder entfernt aber nicht die von den großen Möbelhäuser oder Elektroläden, FastFood Tempeln, etc. Ein Schelm, wer da an einem Schildbürgerstreich denkt.

Dann haben wir noch die nichts sagenden Wahlplakaten, wo die Slogans versuchen die seltsamen Gesichter zu toppen. Jedes mal muss ich mich zusammen reissen, nicht in den Graben zu rumpeln, wenn ich da diese leeren Phrasen lese. Zu diesen Sprüchen kann ich nur sagen: „Wer auszieht, um die Welt zu verändern, sollte erst zweimal durch das eigene Haus gehen.“

Ahh, dem Versicherungskonzern muss es wieder besser gehen. Denn die Leuchtreklame brennt wieder die ganze Nacht durch. Ja, so was kann auch ein guter Wirtschaftsindikator sein. Also, fragt mich in Zukunft, ob Ihr Aktien kaufen wollt oder nicht. Ich schaue dann mal Abends aus dem Fenster und sage es Euch dann.

//Satire aus

FUN: Aus aktuellem Anlass


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Ein Sohn fragt den Vater: „Papa, was ist eigentlich Politik?“

Da sagt der Vater:



• Sieh mal, ich bringe das Geld nach Hause, also bin ich der Kapitalist.

• Deine Mutter verwaltet das Geld, also ist sie die Regierung.

• Der Opa passt auf, dass alles seine Ordnung hat, also ist er die Gewerkschaft.

• Unser Dienstmädchen ist die Arbeiterklasse.

• Wir alle haben nur eines im Sinn, nämlich dein Wohlergehen. Folglich bist du das Volk.

• Und dein kleiner Bruder, der noch in den Windeln liegt, ist die Zukunft.


Hast Du das verstanden mein Sohn?“ Der Kleine überlegt und bittet seine Vater, dass er erst noch eine Nacht darüber schlafen möchte. In der Nacht wird der kleine Junge wach, weil sein kleiner Bruder in die Windeln gemacht hat und daher furchtbar brüllt. Da er nicht weiß, was er tun soll, geht er ins Schlafzimmer seiner Eltern. Da liegt aber nur die Mutter, und die schläft so fest, dass er sie nicht wecken kann. So geht er in das Zimmer des Dienstmädchens, wo der Vater sich gerade mit demselben vergnügt, während Opa durch das Fenster unauffällig zuschaut. Alle sind so beschäftigt, dass sie nicht mitbekommen, dass der kleine Junge vor ihnen steht. Also beschließt der Junge unverrichteter Dinge wieder schlafen zu gehen. Am nächsten Morgen fragt der Vater seinen Sohn, ob er nun mit eigenen Worten erklären kann, was Politik ist.



„Ja!“ antwortete der Sohn:



• Während die Regierung schläft

• missbraucht der Kapitalismus die Arbeiterklasse;

• die Gewerkschaft schaut dabei zu,

• das Volk wird vollkommen ignoriert,

• und die Zukunft liegt in der Scheiße



Das ist Politik!“